she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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