So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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