What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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