I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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