I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
