i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
