"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want to make out with him forever
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
