I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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