Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
