Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
