I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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