I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
