Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
high people should be assigned attendants
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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