That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
