don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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