You smell like a Billy Joel song
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
