my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
