i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
