I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
