why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
