I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
