I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
