i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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