walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
