You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
