my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
