Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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