We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
