naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
