i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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