WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
