it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
