It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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