I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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