Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
