I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
