It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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