I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
