I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
