They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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