The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
