Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You can't just leave with hair like that
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
