"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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