I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
