i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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