why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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