Screwed.edu
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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