I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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