Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
