He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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