thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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